My breathing grew faster and faster, perspiration shining on my brow... 

A sudden jerk... I gasped... 
My hand which usually curls into a fist while I sleep,  sprung open suddenly,  looking for something to grab on... Seeking for comfort...
Then I felt his hand...
Clutched it tight... 
Determined to hang on forever... 
Never letting go...

 
I lay there... My head in his lap... The drowsy feeling swept over me once again and soon I was drowning deeper and deeper...


But how could I rest? 
The chase began yet again and this time my eyes flew open but my vision clouded...I realized that the tears had already made their way... 


His hands were already there... Stroking my face, wiping the tears off... 


I didn't know it yet... But I was screaming, "I was there, almost there ...why???" 
None of it made sense...because I was there and then I wasn't... 
The scream broke off as my lungs protested for air... A sharp pain in my chest... And silence swallowed me again... 


"It's alright", he kept saying... 
But I knew the lies... 
I know them yet I choose not to know... 
"I'll sing you a song", he says... He's really shy bout singing out loud... 
Following the right scale... 
And the notes too... 
Well,  that's not his style. 


It's a new one... I don't know the lyrics... 
I listen carefully... 
The words seeping in...
 My mind soaking the lyrics... 
I realize that it is his own... 


The song is now over and we both go silent... Then as he examines the wound yet again, silently calculating the time I had... The time would alone decide the pain I'll be enduring... 


His silence conveyed his failure... 
And mine,  his victory... 


I've seen through his smiles... 
All the real ones and all the fake... 
I know... 
The sacrifices he has made... 
I know... 
With each of his tear he conveys a thousand meanings... 
And I know each and every one of them... 


I hear a sigh... 
Suddenly it's time to say goodbye...
I know it... He doesn't... 
And then I mumble, "Goodnight dad"